You Ever Take It Off Any Sweet Jumps?

"You got like 3 feet of air that time." ~ Napoleon Dynamite, Napoleon Dynamite

This picture reminds me of an almost-very-ugly-but-luckily-not-as-bad-as-it-could've-been bicycle accident I had when I was a kid. 

My friends and I had built this super-awesome, kickass ramp and were taking turns jumping it. Since everything always seemed to morph into some sort of competition back then, this soon turned into a longest-jump contest.

I had jumped a couple times already without incident, with my last one coming up barely short of the longest jump of the day. This time I wasn't holding anything back. I was determined to get the longest jump on this try no matter what.

I pedaled as fast as I could toward the ramp, hitting it at full speed. I soared through the air for what seemed like ages. When I finally hit the ground, I had outdistanced the longest jump by at least a foot. But, I couldn't have cared less.

You see, at some point between takeoff and landing, my seat had popped off my bike. The only reason I can think of as to why this happened is that it couldn't handle the altitude. In any case, instead of having a seat under my ass when I landed, all I had was the bar that attached to the seat. 

I know what you're thinking, you sick fucks, and no, I didn't end up with a bicycle enema. I landed a little sideways and, thankfully, the bar didn't insert itself into my rectum. It did, however, do quite the number on my left ass cheek, which ended up being very badly bruised for almost two weeks.

Hmm. Actually, that's probably nowhere near as bad as what the dude in this picture has in store for him when he hits the ground. At least he doesn't have to worry about a bicycle enema, though, because his seat seems to still be firmly intact.

(Image via)