On Monday in a small town in Maine called Vassalboro, Grand View Topless Coffee Shop opened for business. Yes. You read that correctly: TOPLESS!
Donald Crabtree is the brains behind this ingenious idea of bringing coffee and naked titties together. All I can say is "In your face, Hooters!"
For now, coffee and doughnuts are the only items on the menu. Crabtree says more items will be added if business picks up. Honestly, I'd eat cheese filled with maggots hellbent on jumping into my eyeballs if it were served to me topless.
Of course, the opening of this coffee shop has ruffled a few feathers in this small Maine town. (Surprise. Surprise.) I think it would be safe to bet that these detractors are some of the same people that were scared shitless when the word "porno" appeared on their television screens during Zack and Miri Make a Fuck Movie ads last year.
I have a question for those that object to the opening of this fine establishment. If you don't want pizza, would you go eat at Pizza Hut? Probably not. With that in mind, if you don't want to see boobies, don't go to a joint where the waitresses will be showing their boobies. It's that damn simple.
Better yet, don't try to spoil all the fun for those of us who would like to enjoy some boobs with our coffee. Just stay the hell away, preferably in your little cave that you apparently live in where boobs and the word "porno" are frowned upon.
Oh, and ladies, I didn't mean to leave you out of the conversation with all this talk of boobs. Grand View Topless Coffee Shop also employees topless waiters for those of you who want to watch some man-nipples while enjoying your coffee. All they need now is someone waiting tables in a giant mouse costume for the kids, and this place will be fun for the whole family.
I wonder when they'll turn this thing into a nationwide chain. I can't wait.
(Information from: Kennebec Journal)
Dalton, you summed up my aspirations perfectly in your title.
ReplyDeleteAs for the coffee shop, I'm sure it has stirred many a household debate in that town.My guess is that a few men, who still have their spine and will actually put it to use, have found themselves bunking on the couch for daring to defend this little establishment.
Thus, my own words to the ladies: LET YOUR MAN CHECK OUT THE BOOBS. If all it takes to wreck your relationship is seeing some bare boobs, you didn't have much to begin with. Let 'em look, and keep the line drawn at touching where it belongs.
Looking for brownie points? Buy your man a gift card to the place and send him out there yourself. No matter how cool you are with things, though, don't offer to go with him. If he wants you to tag along he will ask. Otherwise, stay put, and let him drool without fear of getting into trouble.
Look at it this way, you will probably never again have to ask him twice if he'll make a coffee run.
- NN (who has forgotten her password)
Miss NN...
ReplyDeleteI love your closing line: Look at it this way, you will probably never again have to ask him twice if he'll make a coffee run. Very nicely put. (And, yes, drooling over boobs without fear of sleeping on the couch for a week would be nice...from time to time.)
As for you, Dalton, you have some very nice points on society's stand on public nudity. Most people these days have such a fear of the images, if not just the words, when being nude is a natural part of life.
Imagine having an adult bookstore in a "bible - belt" town...I bet the thing would get burnt to the ground.
What ever happened to freedom of expression? Hell, what has happened to freedom?
-jgray_81